Contrary to popular perception the commonwealth games brought more smiles than frustration in different ways to different people. The biggest beneficiaries were the athletes. Save SAF games, no other game gave Indians this big a scope of winning medals as the CWG.
This CWG, India won 101 medals playing against nations half of whose names mankind had never heard of. (Try Eritrea, Gambia, Tokelau, Tonga, etc)Tennis players were very excited .This is what some of them had to say.
Somdev Devvarman said “first I thought it was my math’s score. Then I realized it was my CWG rank. I was shocked because my current men’s single ATP ranking is 27% more than the percentile of last year’s CAT topper. But all thanks to CWG, I was top seeded in the games.”
Sania Mirza was disappointed, though. She said “I do not know how I lost in the final. May be Shoaib’s form has affected me”. The Pakistanis complained saying “no matter how bad Shoaib’s form is, he is always better than Sania”. We agree. No matter how badly whoever plays whatever on mother earth, he will always be better than Sania. People who do not know tennis in this country (and that being a huge number) will always remember Sania as the fat model who once appeared in sprite ad and declined its sales by 39%.
Another person who came to lime light during these games was Paul Henry, who became world famous cracking the lamest jokes of all times. A friend of Paul on being interviewed said “Earlier Paul used to generate curiosity among people due to his uncanny similarity with Mickey mouse. But today he has proved himself. We all wish him success”. Rumor has it that Paul has been appointed by the Pope to crack similar jokes on Sylvio Berlusconi.
Our highly efficient intelligence agencies said “Paul Henry was actually an ISI agent, brought upon to tarnish the spirit of the games.”Pakistan dismissed these statements saying that it was an attempt to smudge their self respect and prestige one that has been upheld by the likes of Asif Ali Zardari and Pervez Musharraf and taken forward by Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif.
(Meanwhile Salman Butt complains” why am I the ‘butt’ of all jokes”.)
Indian housewives were happy too.” Main ghar me beth beth kar bore ho jaati thi.TV pe saas bahu ke serials badaa pakaa te the. Aise me kalmadiji na badaa sahara dia.unke ghotale ki khabar tv channels pe din raat dikhane lage.kasam se ye sab toh ballika badhu se bhi interesting tha. hamara to time pass ho gaya.”is what one of the house wives said.
So, apparently everyone was happy. Only people like me who didn’t get a penny of the $12 billion affair ended up as ‘Dickshits’.but we have kept our optimism high,as oppurtunities of turning this country into a squalor will keep on coming. Until then fellow satire writers, Dawn Fraser ,Mike fennel, Julia Gillard and Dani Samuels, sorry for your bitching didn’t amount to anything .The nation is busy rejoicing a victory which no one fucking cared.