About Me

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bhubaneswar, orissa, India
First of all i would like to clarify that this blog has nothing to to do with Mango Dolly.So, people looking for pictures of South Indian porn stars will be highly dissapointed.I could say that this blog aims at highlighting the hypocrisy in today's society.But,fuck it.The truth is since internet is cheap and they don't sue for writing crap,i have started this blog to bitch about politicians,celebs,women,famous people, not so famous people,life,people,ex-crushes ,etc.In short everybody and everything.So, start reading.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

WHAT NOT TO DO TO IMPRESS WOMEN

The world suffers from global terrorism, migration, environment pollution, race bias, resource crunch. Amidst the chaos humanity keeps asking the same question it has been asking for millions of years now …………………………How to screw women? How to score? How to get laid? Because no matter what the state of the world is or would be, no matter how many tsunamis, Katrinas or earthquakes come and go ,any man with a functional libido has only one problem of prime and immediate importance,..Women. But guys, this column isn’t about that. If you want to know how to impress girls write in your queries to   grihashobha or if you are capable of understanding words such as euphemism and thingamajig then go for Vogue or call the radio jockey of your station. The guy addressing your problem has never been within 50 meters of distance of a woman or  is probably gay .He will tell you “impress her with your personality , be more expressive of your and always remember, true love always wins”. In short crap lifted off from mills & boons. And only gays read mills and boons. If you have Mills and Boons in your rack, or Twilight or a walk to remember, and then beware fellas, Ramdev doesn’t like your type. There is a high probability he might become the PM and then you will be screwed. Now back to our problem. Indian males are pretty tolerant .they have adjusted to the fact that Indian women do not shave, most of them have excess facial hair ,some of them have moustaches, their bad fashion sense, their constant low brows to boys who stalk them. They have suffered public humiliation and sometimes even jail. Yet they failed to score. This is my perspective on why success never kissed their asses and what not to do when you are trying on a woman.

Don’t try to be smart ass.women aren’t the next stage of evolution. They aren’t the most intellectual beings on earth. They are quite the contrary. So try talking Tolstoy and you will be risking virginity. You don’t expect women to appreciate your intellect. Because let’s face it people don’t generally appreciate virtues they don’t themselves possess.there must be some reason as to why no Nobel laureate, booker winner or nuclear scientist never landed on a hot piece of ass. Women go for rich people, famous people, and glamorous people but never for smart people.

Mr. KOOL? nobody fuckin cares  ……your listening to Black Sabbath doesn’t qualify you for a blowjob from the neighborhood girl. So, if you are hoping your mugging up the names of all the south park characters will  someday  help you screw a woman, then I think I have bad news for you. Women don’t find rock band freaks or movie fanatics interesting. Rather they find them boring. Because they can’t relate to it. The farthest woman civilization has gone in terms of moving arts is twilight. Plus, I have been personally looking for these pricks who believe listening to rock songs or watching Stanley Kubrick’s flicks elevates them to some effluent class, so that I can kick them in their already small balls  and shrink them further.

Don’t be a cheapo: women will happily eat even dog shit if it has a heavy price tag attached to it.so,take them to a restaurant that charges 85 fucking bucks for  a cup of coffee. Your intensity  of buying them gifts is proportional to the tenure of relationship. Wear expensive branded clothes no matter how comical the designs are. They are the first signal to a woman, telling “baby, I’ve got money”.

Facebook  can’t get you laid my dear: the reason Mark Zuckerberg  became a billionaire was that a group of a million nerds actually thought that sending anonymous friend requests to random women can help them lose virginity. How can liking the pics of her mom and dad on Facebook improve your chances anyways ?nevertheless  people keep pressing the like button on anything that comes up on a  chick’s profile page.

Blogging   doesn’t make you cool: people ask me about  tips on blogging(yeah ,that happens)
I tell them” don’t you have a life pissholes”. They tell me girls find it cool. Are you kidding me? Half the women on earth don’t even know what blogging means.real women hardly use internet. Whenever they do they use it  to check mehndi  designs on Google(trust me, true story)besides, bloggers are  the second most useless group on earth. The first ,well they are one sided lovers.you don’t require talent to be a blogger, you just need free time. Unemployed youngsters are most suited for these kind of activities. And the chance that she will actually go on to understand  the stuff you have written on your blog is like one in a million

Never tell a girl that she is wrong: girls are creatures with low self esteem. They show off  by wearing  branded clothes, picking up fake accents ,deliberately talking in English in public places to sound cool, because this is their only way to impress. So, they talk about how they spent their holidays in Hawaii, about some fat ass uncle who bought them some branded  dress whose name they can hardly pronounce, the number of guys who are stalking them. So, never tell them that wearing jeans with floral designs is considered fashionable only in Congo,and its not  biskoot  it’s biscuit. People don’t like being told that their desperate attempts at being cool are actually a publicly displayed joke, especially girls.
Girls love foreign. Associate you with anything foreign and chicks will jump right into you. Here’s a sample

Girl 1:you know my boyfriend is in Gangtok
Girl 2: so, what does he do there.
Girl 1: who cares? As long as its Gangtok I don’t mind if he cleans the toilet there.
Girl2: can you even locate Gangtok on the map?
Girl l 1:no.but it’s somewhere in America.
Girl  2: honey ,Gangtok is in India
 Girl 1: oh! Bummer.

Myth:girls like handsome boys  with a good sense of humor.
Truth : girls like handsome boys  with a good sense of humor who have money to blow.

That ladies and gentlemen brings us to the end of this article.i can’t tell you  what to do to hook up with a girl.because if I knew I would be screwing my way through women rather than  writing stupid articles on shitty issues.and besides, how desperate you have to be to take advice on women from a virgin.
P.S :-“SWEETY SWEETY SWEETY tera pyaar chaaahidaa”- Delhi Belly

1 comment:

  1. Nice post, things explained in details. Thank You.

    ReplyDelete