About Me

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bhubaneswar, orissa, India
First of all i would like to clarify that this blog has nothing to to do with Mango Dolly.So, people looking for pictures of South Indian porn stars will be highly dissapointed.I could say that this blog aims at highlighting the hypocrisy in today's society.But,fuck it.The truth is since internet is cheap and they don't sue for writing crap,i have started this blog to bitch about politicians,celebs,women,famous people, not so famous people,life,people,ex-crushes ,etc.In short everybody and everything.So, start reading.

Friday, 30 September 2011

My Friend's Girlfriend

 Not being blessed with good looks  can be a deterrent  in life. It’s worse for girls, but since, I have no insight into girls’ psyche, I will stick to boys. Not having good looks exponentially reduces your chances of scoring with girls. So, to get laid either you have to severely compromise on the quality of girls or you have to pray to lord Jagannath and fast every Monday to get lucky. In spite of trying ardently, I could not hook up with anyone. So, I concluded that love and girls were not for me. The tragedy of life is that love is nothing like Eric Segal’s novels- eternal experience, salvation of soul, togetherness until death and other crap. It’s more like toilet calls. It occurs regularly and the more you avoid, the greater is the urgency for it.
My friend fell in love though. And unlike many unfortunate people like me, the girl also fell for him. Thus, my friend ended up with this girl ,Arushi  Chaddha  (no, she has nothing to do with Arushi murder case,though her name reminds me of the fact that CBI is a ‘jhund’ organization and shouldn’t even be  allowed to take the case of missing lunch boxes in primary schools)


ARUSHI CHADDHA, a brief description:-


-Daddiji owns Kirodimal stores all over south Delhi. So, is rich. But, more like Hyundai -i 20 rich, not Mercedes C class rich.
-Uncle’s sister in law’s brother’s wife has seen Japan(and she believes it’s something the entire nation should know).
-elder brother is an NRI. Lives in Bangladesh.
-big fan of Shahrukh Khan and Robert Pattinson (why the fuck am I not surprised).
-smarter than most of the girls in Orissa.
-fairer than most of the girls in Orissa.
-regularly visits places like CCD and Barista. Places, local boys take their girlfriends only after they ‘ve promised to blow them.

Somewhere down the line, I wasn’t happy with my friend‘s relationship with Arushi. For one, seeing your friend holding hands with a hot chick isn’t exactly a great sight, stirs up bad emotions. Secondly, it’s too risky to date girls who have been in relationships before, because these girls have both experience and expectations .That’s where my boy made the mistake .He fell for a girl whose list of boyfriends is longer than the list of Rasputin’s rape victims.
 
After my friend started dating, the person whose life got messed the most was mine.I was made to follow them everywhere they went. I don’t know why ,may be because they didn’t want to feel cheap in public places or may be my friend wanted me as a witness  so that in case his girlfriend dumps him he could use me as an alibi and bitch about her.
People after commitment become disgustingly boring. The only thing they talk about is their girlfriend. I mean ,why the fuck should I care if her mom was a beauty pageant winner in her college days or that her friend’s boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s boy friend was caught with a chick by police behind some bushes in Barunei or that she has a participation certificate from Ramdev baba’s yoga  competition .Here’s the thing. Never tell your friend about your girlfriend or/and your love problems. Because no matter how good a friend he is of yours ,he gives jack shit about your love issues unless of course if you are planning to include him in a threesome.
When my friend didn’t talk about his girlfriend he talked to his girlfriend. And he made me listen to their conversations. During those difficult times I felt like  thanking the Russians for inventing  the Russian roulette and hoped these two start playing the game till one or both of them drop dead. There was this one time when she called during our exam time.
Arushi- hi,baby .whatzzz you doing?
My friend-nothing, studying for exams.
Arushi- you know yesterday I went to LEELA’S and they had this dress which looked exactly like the one Emma stone was wearing at the Comicon.
My friend-listen, I really need to pass tomorrow. so,if you  could stop fucking my future and  hang up I would be grateful
Arushi-jaa saale behenchhod tujhse baat nahi karti………………
A word of  advice. Never date a girl from Delhi. She might be hot and all, but she for sure knows more slangs than you. Kind of hurts your ego.


There was this other time when Arushi wanted three of us to  have dinner at some fancy  restaurant. Neither me nor my friend was interested because let’s face it, for guys like us, who had never been beyond dhabas ,mainland china was a rather costly affair. But she kept pestering us and one day dropped by unannounced  and  asked us to get ready. When my friend resisted, she said “baby if Michelangelo had said no every day, he would never have painted the sixteen chapel”.
I blurted out-“first of all that’s Sistine chapel and not sixteen chapel, but I don’t see why you would care”
She stared at me and then at her boyfriend and said” your friend is such a snob. If he thinks he is such a smartass then why is he studying at that third rate college”. It was one of those moments when you feel like jumping off the building only to realize that it’s a one storied building and the best you can achieve is a broken leg. And now, that I am about to complete my education I don’t know how  a physically handicap quota will help me.


Anyways we went to mainland china to  eat.I don’t know ,may be the girl thought we had won the grand prize from  Shri Satya Sai lottery or something ,she started ordering items that the entire district of Kalahandi would never have heard of .the bill that came was my entire family’s monthly grocery bill. Etiquette says the girl shouldn’t pay. But fuck etiquette, we didn’t  have the money. And besides, who owns Kirodimal stores in Delhi, my father or her father. My friend asked if i had enough money.
I replied” dude, nowadays I don’t even have enough money to watch porn at Daljit’s café.”
We, however managed the money and escaped dreadful possibilities. After that they dated for a few months and then broke up. It was nothing dramatic. The usual run off the mill stuff. We passed out of our college. She got bored of my friend and started dating some guy from her college. My friend started calling everyone he knew and told them what a slut she was, cried for a few days and then went back to beer, porn and Floyd.


From the above story we conclude love can be dangerous. Love can lead to slap from parents, gossip of neighbors, jealousy of friends if your girl is hot and humiliation if she is not, academic failure, economic downfall, heart burn and in some cases genital herpes or gonorrhea .So, don’t fall in love because simple laws of physics have taught us no matter where you fall or into what you fall, you are bound to get hurt.

7 comments:

  1. So after Delhi boys we have versions of Delhi girls :D
    Enjoyed all.
    Awesome post... BTW where is Daljit’s café.??? ;)

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  2. aaaaaaaaaawesomeeeee nad-nad pratik.....

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  3. I wonder what you will post when you bang someone... :P
    Awesome Post...

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  4. Wow! Prateek...awesum...loved it...Gals after all :P :D

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  5. wat an insight... loved it.. ;-)

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  6. I was wondering where you had disappeared! Nice post...honestly in its basic form!

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  7. Dude, U really made me arse bloated with laughter. I got 2 ex's. Both are Delhiites n guess I know them better. Quite feminine too. As long as U're with them, it's heaven. But just waiting to open up a hell out there. Yet I haven't written an open letter to them for weren't as cheap as this Arushi chick. ;)

    Hilariously put. Keep writing.

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